Mixed Feelings

Well, first things first: I have decided not to come back to teach here for another year. I had to decide by last Thursday (well, actually kind of before then, but I asked for more time to decide...), and I had been going back and forth for the last several weeks about what I wanted to do. So finally I decided that I wouldn't come back, and I kind of have mixed feelings about it. In a way, I kind of feel like I'm just getting used to this school and getting the hang of teaching here at this school (because it is sooo much different than schools in the states). I also feel like I could be such a better teacher if I stayed here another year, after having learned so much this year. I wouldn't have to spend hours making lesson plans and activities and quizzes and tests because I made them this year. Everything would be a lot better and easier the second year. Plus I'm starting to meet more people in the community -- people who work at restaurants we go to all the time, the kids and parents at swim lessons, the lady I teach ESL to -- and so I'm starting to feel more of a connection to this community. Also, in some ways I feel that by leaving I'm kind of giving up on my students. I feel like the school here in Catacamas, compared to the other Abundant Life Schools, is kind of the most difficult one to teach at -- a lot of the students are rough, the area is not the greatest, and a lot of the teachers want to move schools next year. So I feel like by leaving I'm just giving up.
Anyway, though, after all those reasons to stay, I've decided to leave. Haha. More than anything, I think the thing that is pulling me to leave is the fact that I don't like what I'm teaching. I don't like teaching English grammar, parts of speech, diagraming sentences, etc, like the curriculum is making me do. I don't mind teaching the writing, but since that's not part of the curriculum I have to make all that stuff up, which takes forever (and technically I'm not even supposed to because I'm supposed to follow the curriculum). It's not that I hate the subject; I actually like grammar myself, but I don't think it's important for the kids to learn how to identify a retained object and how to diagram an adjective phrase with two indirect objects. And it's really hard to teach something you don't think is important to learn. So, in some ways, I'm like, so now I'm just going to take the easy way out and leave and leave these kids to learn this stuff next year from some new teacher instead of trying to make changes to the curriculum and teach them SAT prep and writing essays and research papers like I think they should be taught? Basically, yes. So I'm not sure I feel real good that I made the right decision, but teaching this stuff is just not something I'm passionate about.
And I became a bit more confident about my decision after yesterday. One of the teachers at my school also teaches an English I class at the university here, so he asked me if I would come with him yesterday to help him teach one of his classes (it's a 4 hour class every other Saturday). Anyway, of course I said yes, and I absolutely loved it. I hadn't quite realized he actually wanted me to teach, so I kind of winged it and taught them the English pronouns and a few basic verbs (they basically know no English), and then some games that I use when I teach Spanish in the states. It was great. And it made me realize how much I love teaching new languages, like Spanish to students who know no Spanish, or English to students who know no English. It's so much more fun than teaching English grammar!
Ok, I'm done rambling about my decision about next year. Now, another thing I have mixed feelings about: I have taken over the eighth grade homeroom. The current teacher decided to peace out last week (for the rest of the year), so they asked (ok, not asked, told) me to take over. On the one hand, I had been wanting my own classroom...but now I have a lot more work. Now I have to (get to?) lead a twenty-minute devotional to eighth grade every morning (I had been getting used to a free twenty minutes every morning to get my things together for the day), file all their papers, redecorate the classroom (ok, so I'll love that part), and send home notes every Friday to each student where I have to record their grades for the week and the tests and quizzes for the next week for the parents to sign. So it's a lot more work. And, on top of that, you should have seen the cabinet. So each homeroom teacher is supposed to have a folder for each student in his homeroom, and file all the tests/quizzes for that student (from every subject) in that folder. So I open the file cabinet and there are literally papers spilling out -- NOTHING has been organized since the beginning of the school year! It was crazy. So I spent hours after school on Friday organizing and fixing everything, which took forever (good thing Kim was there to help me). So, anyway though, now that that's done, I've decided I actually love having my own classroom, a place to put my stuff, and a room to decorate. So the extra work is going to be worth it.
Ok, finally one thing I don't have mixed feelings about: teaching ESL. I've begun teaching ESL classes (ok, not really classes, because I just have one "student") every Tuesday and Wednesday for about two hours after school. She's one of the moms of the kids who goes to swim lessons. Anyway, it's great! (And right after I decided not to come back next year, the next day she was like, you better be coming back next year! If you don't who is going to teach me English? Well, oh well.)