LAST post

done doNE DONE!!!! Well, my tests have been graded, final grades entered, retests taken for those who failed, grades re-entered, books collected and inventory taken, individual pictures taken with each of the 11th graders (as promised, on the last day of school), my farewell speech given at the teachers' farewell party for me today, and decorations taken down; all that's left now is to finish packing my bags and sign the diplomas as soon as the office calls me down ("you're not leaving until we finish these today because you have to sign them"...we'll see what time that'll be). You should see the process we have to go through for end-of-the-year grades...it's the most archaic system I've ever seen...first we figure out grades in our book by hand, then in the computer, then double-check them in the computer, then double-check them with the principal, then print them off and double-check them ourselves with a calculator, then copy them by hand on to a report card, and then sign them. It's a whole thing. But, hey, I'm just about done, and here I sit in my classroom for the last time.

I decided the last day of school is both the worst day and the best day -- the students are absolutely crazy and you can't threaten them with anything, but at the same time, who cares? Because it's the last day. Anyway, the last few days were a bit frustrating and reminded me of why I'm leaving -- the administration in Tegucigalpa decided to come to the school to give these "standardized" tests the last day of school (which, in fact, is why we had school until Wednesday). So the students had tests in math and English -- and it was very frustrating because: 1. They were on the last day of school -- and the students knew they weren't going to count for a grade -- so no one tried or cared. 2. They didn't tell me anything about what was going to be on the language test, so I couldn't prepare my students. 3. Turns out that all the material was on things we covered the first month or so in August, and have not reviewed since then. 4. For some reason they put my in the seventh grade classroom to monitor the tests....wwwwwhhhhy? I have no idea.
So, bottom line is I'm sure my students all failed. Oh well....I guess I'm leaving anyway....it was just frustrating -- not to mention the fact that they told me the test was going to be on Tuesday, so I had to make sure all my students came that day, and then they decided not to come until Wednesday.....well, I won't even get into that.

The last day of school, despite the testing, was fun (and crazy, of course) -- well, when the testing was all done. The basketball team surprised the other basketball coach and I with a huge cake in the shape of a basketball, and all my students brought in a bunch of food (I supplied the cookies, as usual).Then Wednesday night I went with Lorena out to dinner to celebrate (where I saw about half my students, also celebrating), last night I went out to dinner with my family, and tonight I'm going to my family's friends' house because they want to say goodbye. (Now that I'm leaving everyone's my best friend. :)

Basketball cake!

Farm I went to with Lorena 

Dinner...we were laughing because I ordered baleadas and blackberry juice (classic Honduran food) and everyone else ordered hamburgers and coke (classic states food)...

So I suppose this is my last blog post. I can't believe how fast the time went, but that always happens, and I knew I would say that when I was all done. I'm leaving tomorrow morning to take a bus to Tegus, then get on another bus to San Pedro Sula, and then the next morning on a plane back to Grand Rapids. A lot of people have been asking me what I have learned this year, and I suppose since this is my last post I should do some reflecting on my year here.... So, to conclude this blog, adios, thanks for keeping up with me this past year, and here's what I've learned (in essay form...after all, I was an English teacher this year) -- so read it at your own pleasure if you get bored later:

Not what I expected

I really have a hard time asking for help. Just ask Rose, who would tell you about the Amazing Race we went on last year. Normal people, when lost or when trying to find some clue or landmark, would just ask the innocent bystanders on the street who are familiar with the area, but I insist on finding it myself (it’s a miracle she didn’t kill me by the end of the trip). I really have a hard time depending on other people too. Just ask anyone I have worked with on a project, who would tell you that I can’t delegate. Normal people would let other people do some of the work, but I don’t trust anyone to do their part.

And I suppose it’s worked out okay for me—this whole independent thing—until this year. It’s funny, because you would think living in Honduras for the past year—moving here by myself and teaching at a school as the only American teacher—would have made me more independent if anything. I’m away from my family and friends, my language, my home. I have to walk everywhere by myself; I have to do all my lesson planning by myself; I have to make every decision by myself. In so many ways I have felt more alone living here than I have ever felt before in my entire life. The weird thing is that I have also felt more dependent than ever too.

I can still remember my first day at school, when the principal handed me a stack of six huge language books, six spelling books, and six curriculum guides, as well as various teacher guides and quiz/test booklets and quiz/test booklet answer keys, telling me to start planning. And he gave me no classroom to work in and no bookshelf to place them in. I can still remember sitting alone in a classroom hours before the start of school parent orientation, suddenly realizing that all the other teachers had left to go home to change. And I was stranded at school, with no car and with no knowledge even of telling a taxi driver how to get to my house. I can still remember messing up my grade book and re-writing the whole thing over again—no one told me I had to use a green pen to record homework, a blue one to record quizzes, a black one to record tests, and a red one to record any failing grade.

I’d be lying if I told you this is what I had expected. Who goes to a third-world country hoping to learn to be dependent on other people? Rather, we go thinking others will be dependent on us—and maybe that’s even the reason we go. We are the ones hoping to help, to save the world. I suppose that’s why it never occurred to me that I was actually going to have to be the one asking for help. Can I borrow a shelf in your cabinet to fit my books? Can you give me a ride home? Can you show me how to organize my grade book? Can you tell me how to pay the bus fee at the bank? Can you show me where the supermarket is?

It took me a while to learn to ask for help, and it wasn’t easy. It’s also taken me a while to learn that I’m just as bad at depending on God as I am at depending on others. From the outside, it might look like I moved here because of a strong faith—I was doing what I felt God was calling me to do. And I wasn’t afraid because I was depending on Him to take care of me. I suppose that’s probably what it looked like, and even what it looked like to me. But looking back on it now, I realize that I actually probably moved here for the opposite reason: to do my own thing, to exercise my own independence. I never imagined that living here would be an exercise in the exact opposite.

The majority of my favorite verses and stories in the Bible now don’t have to do with God’s promises to us. They aren’t the ones that tell me that God is always with me; that He’s going to protect me; that He’s going to guide my life so I shouldn’t fear. Instead, I love those stories and verses about people just like me, people who struggle with trust. People who are forced to depend on God, people whose lives don’t end up in the ways they thought they would. People like Moses, who initially said “Here I am,” (Exodus 3:4) but followed up with, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me?” (Exodus 4:1) And, even later, a feeling of betrayal: “O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon these people? Is this why you sent me?” (Exodus 5: 22) Or those songs like “Breath of Heaven,” that have Mary asking, “Do you wonder, as you watch my face, if a wiser one should have had my place?” I’m most comforted when I hear stories about people like me—people who wonder if God is thinking He made a mistake in asking them to do something for Him. Somehow those people ended up depending on God, and somehow God carried those people through too. That’s what’s most comforting: the knowledge that God took people of little faith just like myself and asked them to do great things. They just had to learn to depend on Him.

After this year, and after deciding not to come back for another year, and now that I’m trying to figure out what to do for next year, I’ve decided I’m actually going to try to depend on God. I’m not sure what plans He has for me, but they probably aren’t going to be what I’m expecting. But I will try my best to depend on Him. And I think I might just be a little bit better at that than I was a year ago. 

Last few observations...

Well, I've noticed since I got here that people think of Christianity a lot different here than they do in the states...but it wasn't until this week that I decided to ask my 8th graders during devotional how many of them would call themselves "Christians." Two people yelled out, "No!" immediately...and then I asked several others. Turns out only two would call themselves Christians, the majority would not, and a few were not sure. How is it possible that they've been going to a Christian school for the past 7 years or so where they have devotionals every day and don't call themselves Christian? (And how is it that it's the end of the year and I've just now realized it?)

Anyway, the big difference here when people talk about Chrisitanity is that they talk about it in terms of what you can't do -- when I asked the students why they aren't Christians, they told me that they weren't good enough. They said that they wouldn't be able to listen to music other than Christian music, dance, drink, etc. if they called themselves Christians -- and they want to do all these things. I hate how people here seem to think that all dancing is wrong, having a sip of alcohol is like selling your soul to the devil, and listening to any other music besides Christian music is the worst. It makes people -- especially middle schoolers -- think that being a Christian would be no fun at all and ruin their lives (not to mention too hard to follow God's list of rules for them). I tried to convince them that listening to Justin Beiber did not make them non-Christians, and their eyes got big...not sure how well I faired.

On the other hand, though, I do like that the kids here realize that to call themselves Christians would mean that they would have to make some changes in their lives. They recognize that people who call themselves Christians should probably live a different kind of life than those who don't. In the states, it's not exactly like that -- everybody seems to calls themselves a Christian but a lot of people don't exactly seem to be trying to live a Christian life. So, as frustrating as it is here that all people talk about is what you can't do as a Christian, I do think they have one thing right.

Anyway, I had a really great weekend (my last one here!). Yesterday after swim lessons I went with the other swim instructor to a new pool they just built at a place called Iguanas (he is thinking about switching his swim lessons to there). It's a "water park" -- though I use that term very loosely. Well, they are still building it -- right now all they have is the big pool and parts to slides laying around -- but it looks like it'll be really nice! And the pool is reeeeaaally nice. It's actually a normal-size pool that you can swim laps in. So we swam a few laps before it was decided that swim lessons definitely need a venue change from the mini-pool we use at the hotel. So now I'm just sad that I won't be here anymore for the lessons! Teaching swim lessons is probably one of the things I will miss the most.

Then I went with him to his University English class that I've been to a few times. They had oral exams, so he asked me to help grade them. It was really fun, and the students were all super nervous and freaking out -- it reminded me of my Spanish oral exams in college.

So now all I've got left is three days of school...and then a few days of tidying things up in my classroom before I'm off to San Pedro Sula on Saturday for my early morning flight on Sunday. And here's how I know it's time (or past time) to go home:
1. My fan broke. After having it on high 24-7 for the past year, it's finally had enough. Let's see if I can last this last week without it.
2. I missed one of my classes. I finally thought I had my schedule memorized -- now that we have 3 days left -- but since my schedule changed when the seniors left, I guess I got confused. So Tuesday I thought I had break, break, 10th grade; but turns out I had 10th grade, break, break. Anyway, with about 5 minutes left in the class my 10th graders barged into my room (where I was working on calculating final grades), gleefully telling me I missed their class. Ooops. I think that's a sign that school needs to be out (either that or I'm losing my mind).
3. It's June 17. What school in its right mind is still in school?

Are we there yet?

Ok, ok, I know I only have a week and a half left...but knowing that Justin is going home today (probably arriving home right about now, actually) and seeing everyone's fbook statuses about being done with school, college, high school, whatever aaaaand seeing the teachers from the other schools in Gracias and La Union posting pictures of their students on the last day of school (today)....well, all this is just making me wonder, what school in its right mind has school until June 20?! I mean, really. Needless to say, I'm ready to be done! And I'd say the students are too.

That being said though, I basically did nothing at school
today...Fridays always kind of end up like that though. And now that the seniors are done (they were done last Wednesday), I have 3 free periods on Fridays -- and my 8th graders twice, so I spend half the day in my room, which is really, really nice. And today it was the twins' birthday (in my homeroom class)! I just have to say my students took the celebration to a whole new level...they brought in this cake with their picture on it (which was pretty sweet, because people don't do that here), fruit salad, chips, drinks, cookies (well, I brought those), balloons, etc. It was kind of crazy. And then of course everyone was giving speeches and crying etc...ogosh I will not miss this culture's emotional-ness.  So I pretty much spent the entire day eating and celebrating....kind of funny because one of my students goes, "Look Miss! I brought chips...don't tell though -- they're prohibited!" I was like, wait a minute, aren't you supposed to be hiding those from me then?...I think that might be a red flag.

Two. Weeks.

Two weeks! Not that anyone's counting. Of course, I guess it's actually two and half now, since they extended the year...although to be honest with you, I'm half-expecting them to take it back...you know how things go here. So two and a half weeks until school is over, and three until I'm back home. Justin, on the other hand, is leaving this Friday already! Crazy. He got permission to leave school early because he has to take the LSAT this coming weekend. He's also been super excited as of late because his football team is in second place in the standings, and he was mentioned a few times in the newspaper...



(I figured I better update you on his life, since he seems to have boycotted the blog...)

Anyway, as for me, the craziest thing happened this week. So I decided a while ago that I really wanted to buy a typical Honduran dress. I figured it'd be great for teaching Spanish...and plus I just really wanted one because they're sweet. Anyway, so the last few times I was in Valle de Angeles I looked for one...and I found one that was perfect, but turns out it had a stain and was kind of expensive. I almost bought it anyway, but then decided against it because the lady would barely lower the price after I showed her the stain. So this week I decided I would just find a little sewing shop here (they are all over the place) and see if I could just get someone to make one for me. So it's been on my list of things to do, and I decided I'd better go this week, because I wanted to make sure I'd have enough time to get it before I left. Anyway, then Wednesday as I'm leaving school the secretary calls after me that Jose's (one of my eighth graders) mom dropped something off for me. It's in a big gift bag and I open it when I get home from school...and guess what it is...yep, it's a typical dress that she sewed for me -- just like the one I wanted!! How crazy is that?! I hadn't told anyone I wanted one, and it's not like it was teacher appreciation week or anything. Plus, it's eeeexactly like the one I wanted from Valle de Angeles, and it fits me perfect (which is also weird, because it's a two-piece dress with a skirt, and the length and waist are perfect). Crazy! Defintely my highlight of the week.

Other than that, nothing much new to report -- I spent the weekend catching up on stuff (finally) -- doing laundry, cleaning, going to swim lessons, and lesson planning, which is exactly what I needed after having spent the last several weekends away in Tegus. I finally feel all caught up on school stuff...now that the school year is about over. Lorena also invited me out to dinner with her and her sister and Harry last night, so that was a lot of fun...it's not every day you get invited out to dinner here in Cata.